Monday, August 4, 2014

Hashimoto's Encephalopahty Symptoms Showing Its Self Again

Yippee, there are HE symptoms starting again. Scares the hell out of me. Seeing things out of the side vision and they are moving. I feel myself fighting to get my words out of my mouth, to say the right word for the write thing. Really balance off worst then ever,  tipping over standing still.

I was driving down a side road Saturday coming from helping a friend. As I was driving a house in front of me, had a drive way with a car in it. Well the car was backing up, so I slowed myself down, the car was still moving, but as I got closer the car was still, had  not moved, not at all, nobody in it, Nobody. WOW my heart pounded. Got home, and thought be careful Susie, be careful driving. As the panic wore off, I started to notice things moving so I thought in my vision, then I had hearing hallucinations start. I kept getting up to see if our dogs were barking in their kennels and they were sleeping finally asked my husband if he heard anything. He looked at me and said, no. But again I thought wow, I have bad hearing to begin with, I don't hear things I should now I am hearing things that are not there.

I do not know if I should notify the neuro or not, but I am starting the IVIG next week, so if I can hold off until then. But then the back of my mind I think maybe I need a ten day pack of steroids to get it back in its place. Not sure what to do. HE is such a weird, disease, with everyone who has can have different symptoms. I know my neuro would make me have my thyroid antibodies taken, but It does not matter to me, because they have been above normal for a long time, and the antibodies levels do not really co inside with the symptoms of HE. So just thinking, watching my symptoms close. But not going to far driving.

I will be making an eye appointment with a MD because of the Sjogrens and other issues I carry with me. I can make sure then that there is nothing wrong with my eyes, and it is coming from the brain. But I am sure it is. Stress has taken its toll. But I maybe able to halt it before it gets worst. Come on IVIG. I know they say it can take 3 months to help but, I have so much hope.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Warning God is the Topic

Wow two posts in one week gee I think it is because I have not felt like I can do too much more lol.

I just want to say, as much as we have been through, the sickness, the financial burden of having only one income when I had to quit my job. Our home burning down three months after the diagnose of Hashimoto's Encephalopathy, my mom passing away three weeks after the house burning. My mom was my best friend, my husbands best friend. So the last has been beyond words. My husband who is a recovering alcoholic, started to drink again. I was diagnosed with even more autoimmune related diseases. I just keep piling them up. lol. Still struggling with our home insurance after two and a half years, the lawyer has already taken all of our replacement money for our goods we lost. (Forty years of memories). We have nothing.
But we are alive. We were saved from the fire. Miracle, yes I believe so.

I have had my share of miracles in my life I believe God has given us. I am not a showy religious person, never have been not comfortable sharing the word with others, or my feelings I have deep in my soul. But they are there.

The night of our fire, I went to bed, begging God for us not to lose our home to financial reasons, ( I was not working because of the illnesses I had, neurologist told me I would die if I kept working) so we were struggling so hard, to stay a float, so I went to bed Feb 23, 2012 begging God to help me come up with a way to save my beloved home. A few hours later, we were woke up with the miracle of the paper boys going by seeing the fire on the porch. They knocked, and knocked to get us to hear them, (we slept on a 2nd floor, and both are very hard of hearing) But the miracle is they woke us up and we did get out as the flames were licking behind us.

The feeling that God let me down was so heavy in my heart. He instead of helping me save my home he took it all away, everything in it, everything, nothing was saved, a 5,000 ft old Victorian home gone. I could not see beyond what I felt was a betrayal of my believes. I never prayed for myself, always for someone else. Never for me, as I felt I had strength for myself, but others needed my help praying for them. So the one of the few times I asked for myself, and family, I was betrayed. But how could I feel this way, I was alive, husband, was alive, dog, was alive. What is wrong with me? 

So as the long job of documenting items contacting people, trying to find  a place to live, I prayed once again, begging God to please keep my mom healthy, alive (she had dementia in the nursing home and had gone from good to bad, to good again several times). I begged him to not let her die now, I did not think I could handle one more thing.

Well after the fire, my husband was dx with macular degeneration at the age of 57 very young and started  4000.00 shots monthly for stopping the progression.

Jump ahead three weeks and I get a call from my moms nursing home, and they tell me my mom is serious, she could die anytime. What God? Did you leave me again? I wont be able to take this. But on I went and sat by my best friends bedside. I watched my mom decline for about 5 days. I was numb now. I was numb. Where are you God? What have we done? Yes my cup is half full, I am alive, but my god, what more can we go through.

So Mom passed away with me laying across her sobbing. A women so full of life robbed from her from the dementia, the fun loving, smart, women, mom now God took her body from me too.

I am numb, the Hashimoto's Encephalopathy had taken away almost all of my emotions, I was numb, could not feel deep in my soul anything, good, bad, happy, sad. Except for the day my mom died. 

So we found a home to move into quick, bought a couch, and friends gave us chairs, and a kitchen table, along with a dining room table, my children brought us clothes to wear and we had moms funeral. With my brothers meeting here because I am the only one in town. I am numb. Please God let me get through this. Please God don't let me have a flare up, so I can not talk, or walk. Please God don't let me have a flare up of any of my other autoimmune disease that will hamper my ability to function during the funeral. Please God.

So then my husband started to drink more, I can not take it, making my stress worst, doctors are saying to leave because the stress is making my diseases progress faster. But I said words in front of God for Better or For Worst. So I need to help him in any way I can. But now I am afraid to pray for anything I am afraid if I pray I will get something worst then what I am dealing with already.

Well just this week have I felt all of a sudden that God loves me. He is there for me. He is watching over me, and my husband, children and grand daughter. He is there. He has a purpose for us. I need to believe again, I need not to be afraid of him. He is in my heart again where he belongs.

The Hashimoto's Encephalopathy causes me to forget to pray sometimes, memory problems is an issue with us sufferers. But God knows what I am thinking and when I say to someone I will pray for you I am even if I don't actually say a prayer he knows my intentions are good.

So God I love  you and thank you for everything you have given us, even my autoimmune diseases, Bob's issues we are fighting through, the strength to get through everything that we have gone through. Thank you.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

IVIG Here I Come

Now whether this is a good sign or a scary sign but it only took days for me to be approved for the expensive treatment of IVIG. I could not believe it when the nurse called me to tell me. I was in Awe. And my Rheumy did it on his own with out the neuros help because they kept playing phone tag so just went ahead on his own.

I was first scheduled to have it this Friday Aug 1, but they called me back a few days later and said they would prefer to have me have my first treatment when my doctor is in the building. He is from Green Bay WI and comes here once a week. So I appreciate that they are being extra careful as I know you can have side affects. /They also said they feel it will take at least four hours maybe more so if I could come early in the morning, again no problem. I have researched IVIG a lot, and also on a Facebook web page for it so I have had a lot of information and help from people who have or are having the same treatment. Again thankful for these sites and these people. Nothing is better then to hear advice from the people who are getting the same thing.

This I hope will help me with my walking, and joint pain, memory, brain issues, weakness. I can not wait to see what it does. I will take a few months of treatment. So right in time for Christmas. lol

When I am having a good day I think, I don't need this treatment, but then like today and yesterday when I can barely move my legs and arms, so much weakness and pain, hip, back, it is bad. Fatigue is awful I think I can not wait.

We are starting to collect stories of HE patients for our Second edition of our book Understanding Hashimoto's Encephalopathy. We are also collecting them from the care givers as they have a very valuable story to tell also. They are the forgotten victims of chronic diseases.

Time to go no spoons today I am already on tomorrows supply not good.

P.S. If anyone who reads this has HE please feel free to submit your story we would love to add it to the book. Just let me know and I will tell you were to submit it to.

xoxoxo to all

Monday, July 21, 2014

IVIG? We will see

Update on it all. Last I wrote I was or had gone to La Crosse Wis for a neurologist appointment. This went well, she ordered an EEG and a spinal tap. The EEG took for every to come back because of her old clinic, does not know how to play nice with others. This is another story for another time. But the two tests came back, ok, but the tremors and the jerking she is thinking is coming from the small fiber neuropathy. Being made worst from the stress I am in at home. (I believe this to be true) but to hard to control right now. My Rheumy still wants and insists on the IVIG, and my Neuro is going to help him to try to convince the insurance companys that I need it. He did say if refused he will have to start me on one of the big gun meds which scares me more then the IVIG does. Nothing really will help with the Sjogrens but I am thinking that in his mind there is either lupus or scleroderma still hanging over me, and with the amount of autoimmune diseases that I keep getting, he feels it is time to use something to hopefully stop them. The IVIG would also help the neuromuscular problem I have the autoimmune colitis, and the HE and also the progression of the small fiber neuropathy. So I pray it is approved, yet I am afraid if it is. But I have heard people say that are getting it, that they can walk better, so I am crossing my fingers, to walk again is a dream.

My Gerd has been so bad lately, a flair or what ever you want to say. WOW been eating tums like they are candy. They help until I eat something else. Stress, stress, stress. Now Cat scan and echo cardiogram next week for the pulmonologist. I do not expect anything negative with this, but with the connective tissue diseases they need to check me out to make sure things are not spreading. 

So happy to say our book Understanding Hashimoto's Encephalopathy is doing so well, getting the word out as we planned. Just such a rewarding feeling to know that we can help others even being disabled ourselves. Hopefully nobody else will feel as lost as we did when we were first dx. There is information now out there for people.

We are making a documentary of the book and how it came about to be, about stories of people who have been dx with HE. Hopefully this will also help educate people about this rare disease.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Autioimmune Diseases and Jack Ass Doctors

Autoimmune diseases is one thing I can not control. The myositis, the sjorgens, Hashimotos Encephalopathy, Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Autoimmune colitis, Raynaud's disease, etc. For which brought on small and large fiber neuropathy. And not to mention the lupus and scleroderma that hangs over my head.

But now doctors I can control. I can not believe I have ran into a bunch of petty, self serving neurologists. I was told one time from a RN that neurologists are a different breed and she is right on this account. My regular Neuro moved in Dec to a Clinic/Hosptital  5 hours away. I really cared for her. Not only is she good she is nice and caring. Well as I went to the normal clinic, I was treated strangley thought it was my own imagination playing over time. Well decided to take a long trip to see the neuro I trust with my life, as I am having such odd new worrisome symptoms. So on I went, and of course I still love her, she ordered a EEG, Spinal, blood work, close to home, she said to go her old clinic and have the EEG done, for which I did, and again was treated strangley. My Doctor kept waiting for the results, (been 2 weeks) so I emailed the clinic and explained that I will need a local doctor as well as Dr. Santillan, and then called to set an appointment. WELL this is what I got. I was told that I can not see both, it has to be their clinic, or drive to the old neuro Dr. Santillan but I can not have it both ways. I was so furious, and not feeling well, started to cry(for which I hate myself for) lol I hate to be weak, but I was angry, I cry when angry. I said that is fine then take me off your patient list I will see Dr. Santillan instead, five hours away. But now they still have the EEG results that I need. So now Monday I will have to call and make a stink and demand records. I can not believe this my doctor was well loved at her old clinic, yet they are being petty, and not willing to work with her as a team for my well being. Like she said in her last report that she left for next attending doctor, that I am a complicated case. Nothing to be proud of, but I am. I hate to go through this Monday, as I do  not need anymore stress in my life. I am in a flare right now, colitis is flaring, my legs are bad, my gate is awful, balance is awful, walking into walls, and I have to go for the spinal tap Monday afternoon, YEAH. Did I mention I hate spinal taps. lol. Well anyway history for old clinic, they sure do not take their patients well being in mind over their stupid pride.

Now good things. :) Saturday in Chicago, I met with several other Hashimotos Encephalopathy patients that I have interacted with daily for a few years on facebook but now got to meet face to face. It was so nice to see them in the flesh,. We then had my son who is a film maker, come and do a documentary on the book, and the authors, (Nicola and myself) and a few of the HE sufferers. He and a friend who is a director worked for six hours straight interviewing and filming,. It was amazing. We are hoping to use this as an educational piece as well as pieces going towards our longer documentary that will be coming up. It went so well, so excited.

Well time to go, been so tired again lately. No amount of sleep is enough.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

More Tests Here I Come

June 12, 2014 I met with my neurologist that I went 5 hours to go see.  (one way that is) lol. And I was not disappointed at all, so glad I went. She makes me feel like I am in good, educated hands.
She feels that the sjrogrens could be crossing over the central nervous system and or the brain for which is causing me the bad tremors and jerking that I have been getting. She listens, I love this about her. She asked me to send copies of my records of Dr. Hermitanos my rheumy to her, and then I have blood work this week, and a sleep deprived eeg Tues to be done in Green Bay. I was advised to get a neuro I can work with in between appointments with her, for which will be every six months, or more if needed. But this way the one I have here she can work through also. So I have to swallow my tongue and go back to the clinic, and get a neuro who wont mind working with Dr. Santillian. They all know her and like her so I hope this wont be hard to do. She also agreed not to switch back and forth between two neuros with all the issues I have. She could not believe they even suggested that for me. Also may want another spinal tap, for which I am holding my breath, I hate them, but if I have too I have too. She mentioned epilepsy, MS, etc. I should bring my tape recorder so I remember it all. I also told her about the tremors in my tongue, she did not look, I think she knows me enough by now to know when I tell her something, it is something that is not to be taken lightly, because I never go in complaining about this and that. She also told me I have not just small fiber neuropathy but also large fiber neuropathy for which I was told is very rare too. So I guess I am full of rare stuff, lol, I wish If I was so rare I was worth something, right, like an old book? lol. Oh well.

The tooth came out on Tuesday and still hurts, for which I don't think it should, but it does, not terrible, but just there.

Dr. Santillan is going to try for the IVIG I believe but she said it is getting harder and harder to get approval from insurance companies. So we will see what happens if it is meant to be it will be.
Like a friend of mind says who has HE it is in God's Hands.

Katie and Bill came to stay for a few days this past week which was such a great visit, Meg and Sean came down and Nick, I am so lucky to have such wonderful Children. I could not ask for anything else in life. So very lucky. Scott your included too as is Amy and my Payger, lol.

Happy Fathers Day to all who are fathers in anyway, stepfather, friends, mentor, foster how ever you father, have a great day.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Trip to Old Neuro

Well tomorrow I leave for a five hour trip to see my old Neuro who left the area and moved on to Gunderson Lutheran Neuroscience Center. I did a lot of research on the teaching hospital and I am very impressed and encouraged in what I have seen. I already love my neurologist Dr. Santillan, it is just hard to get to a place so far away when I am not allowed to drive except for local, and my husband has macular degeneration, so I have to depend on my great friends that I have. And I do I have great friends, Thank God. I don't know what I would do with out them. So a great long time friend is driving me and we will stay over night as my appointment is for 8:00 in the morning.
I am hoping Dr. Santillan can shed some light on some new and worry some symptoms of tremors, Tremors that even affect my tongue. Very weird. My arms will tremor so bad, I can not control my fingers to type, It will last for quite a long time, I have to just have to sit because my legs will feel like they will give in. But my tongue is all the time. I did a little research on this and of course it can be symptoms of many things such as ALS for which I am sure it is not, MS. MG. etc, but it could also be my hashimoto's encephalopathy, or small fiber neuropathy. So I understand why my rheumy wants me to start IVIG. But it would have to come through the neurologists office as he has told me, because of the severity of those diseases would help to be approved.

As luck would have it for me, lol, I broke a tooth Fri night, sooooo went all weekend with a broken hurting tooth and mouth. Had the tooth pulled today, so hopefully it wont be too painful when I go tomorrow. The dentist did say because of the Sjrogrens I have it will make my teeth and especially my gums deteriorate easier so to be aware. Gave me special toothpaste for gums. So this was new, I read where you have to be careful with your mouth but did not realize your gums. lol, Really dumb, right, lol it is part of my mouth. lol. Well I will say between the scar tissue yet from the lip biopsy's and the tooth being pulled, my mouth is one mess. It is bad when it hurts to even drink water.

I will be back to tell you  about my appointment. I hope I have good news.

Have a safe and enjoyable summer.

Susie