The Clouds Were Covering my Sunshine Today, My Cup had a hole in it, The Roses lost their Smell

In fact the day stunk. I am always Susie Sunshine, always a smile on my face, a laugh, my cup is half full, but I tell you I woke up today with that dam sun under the clouds. First of all my arms and shoulders hurt like hell, now whether it is from the small fiber neuropathy, or the HE, or the myositis or what ever they hurt and are weak down into my hands. Some days it is ok I just work through it all but today, for some reason is different. I am tired, not been sleeping so well, then you start to think, thank goodness for Kindle who takes up some of that wakeful time in bed looking at the ceiling.

Things are piling up, I don't know why? (sarcastic) two handful of autoimmune diseases in a two year span, husband almost died and was in the hospital for liver, kidney problems, while I was headed to Chicago's Northwestern teaching hospital for a second opinion. Stress, stress, my mom was sick with dementia I felt guilty like I could never do enough for her, I was working full time while trying to pay a SBA loan back on a business I owned and closed (road construction). My neurologist told me to quit my job or I could die, I was dx with HE (had never heard of it) went for five days of out patient steroids, blew up like a balloon. Yippie, then two months later our old Victorian home burned to the ground in the middle of the night. Yes we got out we were saved along with our lab. So thank full but we lost everything we have ever owned in forty years of  marriage.  So cup is still have full, we are alive right. Insurance is screwing us still no settlement and it has been two years. My husband started to drink for which he had been recovered for a few years. And now they think I have sjrogens disease, and I am believing I have MG. We will see next week when I go in for my appointment. In between all of this mess I was dx with one rare autoimmune disease after another. Then of course add the small fiber neuropathy on top of all of this mess and dam it I hurt. I am sick of being sweet Susie, happy go lucky, my cup is half full, the sun is always shining. I am tired, tired, tired. Tired of my lazy butt sitting in a chair because I hurt, or my brain is frying and I am confused and need a brake. I have no motivation. Maybe I need sun and spring. But what ever it is, This is not me, not my personality. I am no depressed (cant be I am on meds for this) lol, but no I am just mad, sick of it, need a break, pissed, I know when I wake up tomorrow it will be better, but for today I do not know who I am any more, or where I live (still in a rental unit) I don't know where all my saved sentimental items are that disappeared in the fire, I don't know where my mom is who died three weeks after our fire. I miss her so much dementia and all. Today I just want to be pissed.